As most who know me are aware, I’m not a very religious person however “Thou Shalt Not Kill” seems to be a basic human principle that humanity should be able to live by. Today another abomination chose to ignore that principle. Not only did this abomination ignore that basic human concept but ignore it by targeting children. Young children. Children who woke up this morning excited it was Friday. Children who are celebrating Hanukkah or counting down the days to Christmas. Children who had hopes, dreams, fears, friends, ambitions, and feelings. Children who had families.
This was a tragedy that resonated across the nation and the world. You didn’t have to be a parent to feel this pain this was a pain that screamed out into the Universe and embedded itself into the collective consciousness of all who see children as a gift to our future.
I know this next paragraph will likely make me unpopular but the talk about stricter gun control stopping the tragedy frustrates me and, in my opinion, shifts the focus from what happened. It brings in hypothetical situations and calls upon data that is still being fully vetted. I’ve heard everything from handguns were used to fully automatic weapons. While I agree that as a nation we can certainly look at our current gun control laws and measures, I think the arguments offered today ignore one basic fact. If you have delved so deep into the darkness that fills you that your plan includes shooting elementary school children (kindergarteners even) I somehow doubt that doing it with a gun that you shouldn’t have is going to be considered much of a deterrent. This horror did not have to shoot these children. By all accounts he chose to take his own life. He could have shot his mother and then taken his own life. Yes, the children would have been beyond traumatized but they would have still been alive. This was not an afterthought. This action was part of the monstrous plan hatched within a deranged psyche. Today is a day for grieving and processing. We can discuss could haves, should haves, and would haves on Monday.
As a parent, I spent most of my day alternating between fighting tears and fighting the urge to drive to my children’s school and demanding to see them. Intellectually I knew they were fine, I knew that they were probably not even aware of the situation that was holding thrall over a nation full of adults. Emotionally I just wanted to reassure myself that they were safe, happy, and feeling secure. How long will it be before the surviving children from the affected school feel secure again? School is supposed to be a safe place. For all the bullying that may take place or the childhood stress they might feel, for the most part children feel like school is somewhere that outside forces can’t touch them. It is their own little community and that community has now been ripped apart in the most base fashion.
I don’t have the answers to this and don’t even know if this raving had a point, I just know that as I tried to explain this to my children this afternoon that my sense of frustration and sadness continued to increase.
Children. Parents. Friends. Family. And Strangers. This is another event which most of us will be able to remember where we were and what we were doing when we heard the news. I wish I had more than condolences and empathy to provide the family and community in Connecticut. I can only imagine the pain they are feeling and the pain that is yet to come. The thought of one of my children being hurt rips into me so deep that I’m surprised it doesn’t become a physical wound. The thought of one of them being killed and killed in such a senseless, despicable, heartless, violent, and cowardly manner almost paralyzes me. I wish I could gather the community and embrace them, assuring them that the collective “we” will support them and be with them during this time. Ideally I wish there was a way to heal the pain.
Going forward there are many questions for the families and the nation to address, some critical and some trivial. Right now, for me, I hugged my kids a lot and told them I loved them more than I normally would. I’m also grieving for those who won’t have the opportunity to hug their children again.
Really, you would think that Thou Shalt Not Kill would be the one rule we could all follow.
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